unreal existence

its true how what you write comes back to you! so today is amazing weather in delhi after a long time and the night was terrible, hot no electricity i thought i wont get thru but noone was complaining and so i decided i wont either and in the morning it rained!!!! but i was feeling diassociated and low when i saw my last entry and things are better.
its like being in those in those scenes in the movies where the protagonist stands and the whole woprld passes by in a blur. for the past few weeks and days this is how i am feeling. completely unreal. the job, house relationships as if the whole thing is a circus and and is not associated with me. then what is the meaning of this existence? to survive? tolive? for what? and then i read this article in readers digest about this guy with no education but his will and skill being at the right place and time and being an amazing surgeon and at the end of the article it was written that the real heroes are not with the public recognition but htose who touch people’s lives and how.
maybe that is the meaning of life too. but it feels strange to be without ambition, purpose or being happy. yes i think its about being happy within urself.
am i feeling better?
will by the end of the day.

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