I have been thinking a lot. I think summers does this to me. There is lot on being single these days. I feel its becoming more talked about than marriage itself. I, initially thought of writing my own funny post of my experiences over the years, but then today having spoken to so many youngsters on the angst of being single, I cannot help but reflect on the whole phenomena.
There are so many war stories out there on the single space of dating. As many people, as many strokes. Not just me, but a whole lot of my single friends, can fill books on arranged set ups, well-meaning blind dates, dating groups which are relatively new in India and the almost there relationships’. I think sometimes one just stops believing that what one is looking for even exists. But every encounter changes you, makes you bigger and better if you are willing to learn. It is only in interacting with others that we get to know who we are and what is really important to us. The most recent advice given to me was to really re-evaluate what perfect means to you and what is it that is non-negotiable. And seriously, I was forced to think.
But before that I had to go back and see what is it that was existing, and this is what I remember. The first most intriguing idea is that of “options” and “open relationships”. And how for men options are always more for women. I mean I will never get a hang of this. I think the right person will never be an option and will never treat you like one. Its not that we are shopping for mobile phones! One is enough. Yes, you may meet one, one after the other, but many at the same time? I can understand the first time you meet someone you could be meeting more people, but once you have met someone or talked to them and met again, how much does it really take to say “ok, not happening”? Instead, you either become another option or follow the “rules” and the ” game” to figure it all out. But is falling in love or getting attracted, something that will ever be defined by a rule? if love is a game then you will just always end up playing. And what happened to old fashioned manners and morality. I guess “old fashioned” explains it. So anyway lots of people have been through this and you just learn to steel yourself and watch for the signs. You even start to see how what you say and do can be interpreted by someone who does not know you that well. Then comes open relationships, where everyone in the world is an option. So then what about friendship, companionship and honesty? But there are those who are ok with it, and move on a lot more easily.
So in this war zone of relationships, one learns to really believe in oneself and respect oneself and stand up for what they believe is right and what will never be acceptable. Its not always the degrees and the job that maketh a man or for that matter a woman, it truly is treasures of the heart. What is your essence as a person? What do you stand for? A man who is mature enough, sincere enough, compassionate enough and independent enough to think about his partners lifelong happiness. To be courteous and caring. And for a woman? Self respect and dignity and to know that she can build her own happiness through her own hands, her respect for her own life and that of others. An ideal relationship based on respect, support and looking ahead together, and as Khalil Gibran famously wrote: where there are spaces even in togetherness. As I reflected on all this, the question in front of me is how much of this am I becoming? Because the clearer I am of who I am the less heartache, cause you know what will never honour your deepest needs.
Strangely as I wrote all that degrees and job and salary did not figure. Yes honesty, loyalty and a dog definitely did 🙂
Is that a lot to ask for?
I don’t know, what I do know is that everything has a reason, and that if taken in the right spirit the search for the one outside, whether one ever finds him or her or not, will definitely helps us discover the one within.
A stronger, wiser, changed you.
- Courage (giftofgabriella.com)